Saturday, December 20, 2014

Angel's Embrace

Image by Lerin Wheeless 

This ornament arrived for us this week.  It's called "Angel's Embrace."  Such a beautiful way to remember the one we lost this year.  If you haven't lived through it, there are no words I can use to make you understand the depths of our sorrow.  But if you have suffered a loss, no words are necessary.

There is a quiet sadness hanging around me these days.  I have five beautiful children running, laughing, playing, shouting... yes, even fighting... in my cozy home.  I love each of them so much, it is indescribable.  They each are so different, and watching them grow and become their own people has been the greatest experience.

If all had happened as *I* would have designed it, we should have a 3 month old to buy Christmas presents for, to dress in cute jammies, to carry around to all the shows & plays that his five older siblings are putting on this week.

I know it will get easier.  It already has. But sometimes, I have to sit and cry and miss baby Blaise.

Did I ever tell you that we end every family prayer time with "Blaise Augustine, pray for us"?  I don't think I have told anyone, but it is a habit now... part of our family culture.  Sometimes it is hard to hear, actually.  But most of the time, it is beautiful to hear the name and to know there is a REAL little Saint in Heaven who prays for us, and loves us more perfectly than we can imagine here below.

Merry Christmas, sweet baby.  I'm sorry you aren't with us, but I know we will meet you one day.  Life can be such a bittersweet dance of Hope and Loss.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

It's so good to read from your heart again, Lerin. There is something about the sadness and loss of a little one that we feel a bit stronger at Christmastime. For me, it's that I feel robbed of the Christmas Child I so eagerly anticipated. Our Natalie Noel was due Dec 17, my Christmas baby. This year marked the 10th birthday we didn't get to celebrate with her and a sadness of feeling cheated loomed in my heart, still this many years later. For us, the flipside is that had we not lost Natalie, we would not have our only son, Jonah. We got pregnant with him two cycles after our miscarriage. While we try to remember that perspective and be joyful for the life we did receive in our arms, a part of me still wishes we could've 'had it all' and kept both. Prayers for you this Christmas.