Saturday, February 8, 2014

February 8th

Image Copyright Lerin Photography, 2013

I love you, all of you... those I've met and those I haven't. Thank you for reaching out with kind words, sharing experiences, offering prayers, bringing food and even flowers. Holly, the beautiful plant you sent to us is such a bright spot on our dining room table and reminds us of your love.  I am so broken right now, and I have no idea how I would get through it without your loving, kind, genuine support in each way you've offered it.

So far, the most comforting thought that goes through my mind several times a day comes from a dear high school friend who also lost her baby at 36 weeks:

"May you find comfort in knowing that love was all Blaise ever knew."  

I think lack of sleep made me temporarily insane.  After a good night's rest, I am up.  I'm doing laundry and cleaning.  Today's project is to rearrange and organize the playroom.  I need to stay busy.  I've only cried twice this morning, which is a nice change.  

I am still deeply sad, but it has already shifted from a "can't sleep, can't eat, can't breathe, wailing and screaming whenever I open my mouth, want to crawl in a hole and die" sadness to a quiet, peaceful ache deep inside my heart.  I plan to go to Adoration today, to just be with Jesus in the quiet sadness.  I know He understands,  Sadly, I've learned that too many of my friends do as well.

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