|When I got home, the kids asked what happened. I told them a vampire bit me. Everyone laughed, but Ben. He was pretty horrified until I assured him I was only joking. ;)|
At the appointment, Dr M found a lump in my thyroid when he was doing my physical exam. He recommended an ultrasound and bloodwork. I do have some abnormal levels, but nothing too scary. It may be that I am still recovering from my mastitis infection (oh yes, that too) and that I need to lose weight.
Thursday, I went in for my ultrasound. It wasn't bad at all. A little awkward to have the warm gel on my neck and to NOT see a baby on that fuzzy screen, but whatever. I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing on leaving, thinking I need to redouble my quest for better health that I started earlier this year. They said I would have results in 3 or 4 days.
Instead, the doctor called me an hour after I got home and said I needed a biopsy as soon as possible. I scheduled it for Friday afternoon. The nurse warned me that it would be uncomfortable, and that I would need a support person to drive me home. She said that I couldn't pick up anything heavier than 10 lbs (poor Alice!) or do any sort of physical activity for 24-48 hours. I would need to stay home that evening, so I could alternate thirty minutes on/thirty minutes off with the ice packs. That should have been my clue that it was a bigger deal than I wanted to believe. I did the WRONG thing (Googling "is a thyroid biopsy painful?) and heard the whole gamut... some people said no big deal, other said pretty uncomfortable, some said that the biopsy was the worst part of having cancer. Yikes.
I was brave on Friday because I had Adam with me. But when they said he couldn't come in with me for the actual procedure, my heart sank. I don't really want to talk about the experience in detail, but it was really difficult for me. I had 3-5 passes in 4 places, guided by ultrasound. I don't get emotional in front of people and won't complain of pain ever, so I held it all in until I got outside. The minute I did... I did the "ugly cry." I was hurting more than I thought I would, and afraid. This has all happened so fast.
I was feeling really optimistic going in, but have been down since the whole thing. Yes, 9 out of 10 people have benign results so it is a VERY good chance that this is nothing. But someone has to be in the 10% who have cancer. Why not me? I have beaten the odds on everything else this year, lots of bad luck one thing after another. I found out my grandma had a thyroid tumor in her thirties and had to have her thyroid totally removed. Yes, if you are going to have cancer, this is the kind to have. But who wants to have ANY cancer? It is still a big deal to have your thyroid out. You have to be on medication for life, you get a scar, most people lose all or part of their feeling in their necks, you have to have radioactive iodine and stay away from your kids for days, and you even have a 4% chance of losing your voice forever.
I had trouble sleeping last night, because turning my head at all was so painful. I feel like I have an ear infection in my left ear (the largest biopsy spot on my left side is swelling against a nerve) and it feels like I have been punched in the throat. Or choked. The good news is, I have just really mild bruising thanks to my sweet family's help and ice packs. The swelling looks a bit silly... I look like I have gained at least a few pounds just on my neck. I have what looks like a lot of pimples from the needle pricks. Pain-wise, it's better this afternoon than it was yesterday. I think I just had a pretty extensive biopsy and they had to go in on a lot of different spots.
So that's what has been going on with me. I am supposed to rest this weekend, and will use it to play with more photos and back-post them here. I *really* appreciate the prayers and good thoughts.