Wednesday, November 30, 2011

She's Gonna Blow!

Lucy in my bed in the morning.  She has turned herself completely upside down.
My parents are back in town with us, and will be staying for awhile.  I don't know how long.  I wish I could keep them forever, but they do have to go back sometime before Christmas.

I had my 32 week checkup yesterday.  Three weeks past the appendix nightmare, she talked to me about the test results.  Apparently, it was pretty nasty.  We got it out just in time.

All the fever and the food-poisoning-like symptoms that had kept me unable to hold down anything, even water, for 5-6 days?  That was not the tummy bug that Ben & Lucy had.  That was the appendix getting ready to rupture.  It was a coincidence that I got sick at the same time.

I still hurt, some.  I can't seem to force myself to stay rested.  Even though I hurt, I still find work to do.  I was cleaning up my mess from indoor product shot on Monday, and the pain was so bad that I had to sit down for awhile.  I asked my doctor about it, and she said that while my incisions are almost 100% healed, I need to remember that I am pregnant and surgery takes a lot of time to get complete healing from.  I need to slow down.  To stop and really get rest.  I'll only be pregnant for less than two months more, and this is the only time we ever plan on me being pregnant again... so I really do need to take this time for myself and rest.

It's a blessing that I don't deal with pre-eclampsia or placenta previa or anything life-threatening.  Besides that stupid appendix, anyway.  But it's been a non-stop drama fest of one thing after another since two little lines appeared on that stick.  I've been at the hospital a lot this time... taking lots of medications... my doctor told me that the nurses, looking at my chart, called to ask her before admitting me, and I quote, "Is she a whiner, or is there something really wrong?"  Dr S. told them that if I was at the hospital, that if I was crying from pain, then there was definitely some sort of emergency because I was one of her toughest patients and wouldn't be there unless there was something really bad going on.

It's wonderful that I have been through four pregnancies with the same OB.  She knows me pretty well.  I'm going to miss her!

Anyway, like I was saying... I don't deal with life-threatening complications.  But there have just been so many of them, that I am exhausted.  I feel so overwhelmed and sad all the time!  Battle fatigue.  It does make me sad to think of this baby as being my last, last, last, for-real-this-time last.  But each pregnancy has gotten more difficult, and I am only 30... I am pretty sure it gets harder and more complicated as a woman ages.  I would love to be a fully-functioning member of my family again.  I want to be the best mom to my five that I can be... not on bed rest for 9 months every couple of years.  I just can't do it anymore.  I miss my family.

On the bright side, it is almost over AND I get a baby out of it.  This time, I have absolutely no inkling as to who this baby is.  No intuition, no ultrasound tech slip.  ;)  I really don't know, and it is making it that much more exciting to see who I have been carrying around through all the bumps in the road.  Baby has been amazing... I've been in some really bad spots this pregnancy, but thanks to the power of prayer, Baby and his/her growth and fluid levels and movements and everything have been perfectly on track!  It really is a miracle when you stop to think about it.

6-7 weeks from now, I will get to kiss that little miracle's cheeks.  :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Our First (just-us-at-home) Thanksgiving

Did you catch Lucy's face reflected in the oven?  She looks so happy!  ;)

When I first realized we would be "home alone" on Thanksgiving for the very first time, I was truly sad.  I thought about how unfair it is that I can't travel right now, and thought the holiday would seem quiet and lonely without being surrounded in our massive crowd of parents, siblings & nieces/nephews. 

And then, the day came and it was perfect.  It was anything BUT quiet and lonely with my four little hooligans running around, Adam cooking an entire Thanksgiving spread from scratch, and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  We stuffed ourselves silly and everyone dozed on and off while we watched Christmas movies and made ornaments.  It was absolutely perfect.

Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday where we have to plan around services.  There are not a million things on the to-do list.  There's no shopping except the grocery store.  ;)  It was just a simple celebration of loving our family and basking in the glow of our blessings.

It was perfect!

And the funny of the day... Ben was rather enchanted watching the cheerleaders on TV during the parade.  Adam and I were laughing when we noticed.  Finally, he turns and says, "My favorite is the one with the yellow hair."

Oh boy.  We have a boy.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

We Need a Vacation!

Adam & Bella cuddling before the show

After nearly two weeks at home (aside from a doctor's appointment) I had the pleasure of seeing my sweet little Sophie perform at school. It was a really cute show! She had her very first speaking part, and she nailed her lines. :) She is so cute and expressive, and I just love her to pieces.

Sophie is the cutest one on stage. Or if you need more detail, she is the "Mom" with glasses, a bob haircut, and a light blue shirt over on the left.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

One Week Post-Op

Today, I am 30 weeks pregnant. I am also one week post-op. It's just been a really crazy pregnancy.

I've nicknamed this baby "Boosey." Rhymes with Lucy. As in, the CABOOSE-y. It makes me really sad to talk about ,but I am 100% sure that this is our last pregnancy. This has been the most difficult 30 weeks in my life thus far, with complication after complication... just think my body can't handle another pregnancy.

The good news is, I have FIVE beautiful precious perfect children already, and I am lacking nothing. More good news... I'm only 30. So in about 10 years, Adam and I will no longer have "little" children, but will still be young enough to take on our ultimate dream... foster-to-adopting a child or two out of the system and into a forever family.

It feels a lot better to focus on that part. That's the happy part! :)

For now, I am still healing from the appendectomy. I am very sore still, like I've done a million crunches and then possibly been punched in the stomach a few times. I haven't really felt hungry since the surgery, and am still having phantom pains in my side. I spend most of my days sleeping, and my nights awake & lonely. It's hard for me to NOT pick up my children, to not drive, to not be very helpful around the house. I am ready for this modified bedrest to be over, and let me have a few more weeks of normalcy before sweet baby arrives.

I don't have a lot to say, just want to update you on my general progress. I miss blogging.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Baby Mama Drama

Where to even begin? This pregnancy has been the most difficult by far. I was telling a friend that I wouldn't believe it, had I not lived it. I've been in and out of the hospital with HG, dehydration, pneumonia, severe tummy bug, gestational diabetes, chronic bronchitis, swollen kidney and most recently... an emergency appendectomy.

Yes, folks, I had surgery three days ago to remove my appendix.

It was the most terrifying experience of my life so far. After checking out of the hospital on Saturday for a tummy bug, Sunday I was feeling very funny. Just plain weird. Then the pain started. At first is was a mild aching that I attributed to being so sick and possibly pulling a muscle when throwing up for the 10,371st time this pregnancy. It got worse and worse. I tried to lay down, to take a bath, everything. Then, it became so unbearable that I began to cry and shiver. Adam took me right back to the hospital. I got an ultrasound of the baby first, then of my entire abdomen and kidneys. Finally, they decided my appendix needed to come out before it ruptured.

I'd never had surgery before. I was so afraid of what anesthesia would do to the baby, but they told me that 1 in 5 babies DIE if their mom's appendix ruptures while they are pregnant... the risks were much smaller to have the operation. I thought I was handling it stoically enough, but I could feel myself on the brink of a breakdown. My mom-in-law called Father K, and he said he'd come right away to pray with me and do anointing of the sick. Before he made it though, the nurses put me on a bed and wheeled me away. I barely got to kiss Adam.

On the way to the surgery, I tried to think about happy things. I thought about how much I love Adam & our kids, the friends who were praying for us, and the God that I believe in. I tried to push away the fears of worst-case scenarios, but they were just not easy to push away.

That was the most difficult hour of my life. Waking up from surgery, I had a full-blown panic attack. I can't even talk about it without crying, still, three days later. They broke the rules and let Adam come back to see me in the PACU, because my heart rate and breathing were so erratic. They let him stay with me, seeing as his presence brought my vital signs back to where they needed to be better than any medicine could.

Over the last week, I've been surrounded in love and prayers. I've felt lonely a lot in my life, especially after losing some close friendships last year, but I feel as though I have my forever friends. These ladies prayed for me, brought food to Adam in the hospital, and are feeding my family now. I'm on modified bedrest for 2 weeks, and my friends just keep calling, texting, emailing and dropping by. My parents are here and my mom has been my saving grace. Adam's mom is also taking care of all our errands and giving Adam moral support.

As awful as this whole thing is (and the recovery just plain sucks, too)... I feel emotionally and spiritually better than ever. We are loved. I am loved. I have family, friends, and God who will never let me be alone & afraid.

Funny how the worst thing that can happen, sometimes turns out to be one of the best things to happen in the end.

Please pray that the remaining 9-ish weeks of this pregnancy will be uneventful. I just need to stay well, and need baby to be healthy. My children are such brave little ones, and are handling this with a maturity that amazes and humbles me... but my Lucy is still very much a baby who needs her Mommy, and she is having a hard time having me away at the hospital so much and then unable to hold her when I get home. Please pray for Adam, that he can stay encouraged and not become too overwhelmed with his own fears and burdens.

Thank you so much. I literally FELT prayers while I was waiting to go under, and I still feel them now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We are very blessed to have your prayers and love.