|Lucy in my bed in the morning. She has turned herself completely upside down.|
I had my 32 week checkup yesterday. Three weeks past the appendix nightmare, she talked to me about the test results. Apparently, it was pretty nasty. We got it out just in time.
All the fever and the food-poisoning-like symptoms that had kept me unable to hold down anything, even water, for 5-6 days? That was not the tummy bug that Ben & Lucy had. That was the appendix getting ready to rupture. It was a coincidence that I got sick at the same time.
I still hurt, some. I can't seem to force myself to stay rested. Even though I hurt, I still find work to do. I was cleaning up my mess from indoor product shot on Monday, and the pain was so bad that I had to sit down for awhile. I asked my doctor about it, and she said that while my incisions are almost 100% healed, I need to remember that I am pregnant and surgery takes a lot of time to get complete healing from. I need to slow down. To stop and really get rest. I'll only be pregnant for less than two months more, and this is the only time we ever plan on me being pregnant again... so I really do need to take this time for myself and rest.
It's a blessing that I don't deal with pre-eclampsia or placenta previa or anything life-threatening. Besides that stupid appendix, anyway. But it's been a non-stop drama fest of one thing after another since two little lines appeared on that stick. I've been at the hospital a lot this time... taking lots of medications... my doctor told me that the nurses, looking at my chart, called to ask her before admitting me, and I quote, "Is she a whiner, or is there something really wrong?" Dr S. told them that if I was at the hospital, that if I was crying from pain, then there was definitely some sort of emergency because I was one of her toughest patients and wouldn't be there unless there was something really bad going on.
It's wonderful that I have been through four pregnancies with the same OB. She knows me pretty well. I'm going to miss her!
Anyway, like I was saying... I don't deal with life-threatening complications. But there have just been so many of them, that I am exhausted. I feel so overwhelmed and sad all the time! Battle fatigue. It does make me sad to think of this baby as being my last, last, last, for-real-this-time last. But each pregnancy has gotten more difficult, and I am only 30... I am pretty sure it gets harder and more complicated as a woman ages. I would love to be a fully-functioning member of my family again. I want to be the best mom to my five that I can be... not on bed rest for 9 months every couple of years. I just can't do it anymore. I miss my family.
On the bright side, it is almost over AND I get a baby out of it. This time, I have absolutely no inkling as to who this baby is. No intuition, no ultrasound tech slip. ;) I really don't know, and it is making it that much more exciting to see who I have been carrying around through all the bumps in the road. Baby has been amazing... I've been in some really bad spots this pregnancy, but thanks to the power of prayer, Baby and his/her growth and fluid levels and movements and everything have been perfectly on track! It really is a miracle when you stop to think about it.
6-7 weeks from now, I will get to kiss that little miracle's cheeks. :)