Friday, June 17, 2011

Rumor Has It...

Ridiculously gorgeous, amazing work by Melissa Zihlman Photography.  Many thanks to all of you who voted for us!

Another thank you to all of my family, friends, blog-buddies and foto-followers for all of the kind messages surrounding our worries about Baby Five.  We have just three more days (which all are, thankfully, very busy with fun things) until we get to see if there is still an empty sac or if there is a beating heart.  We are, as of today, still pregnant.  And I will celebrate that until I have rock-solid evidence to the contrary!

So... there's been a rumor floating around about the future of Lerin Photography.  Rumor has it that I'm taking off November through  March to enjoy my (likely last) pregnancy and (please, God) newborn baby.  That is not the complete truth.

Actually, Lerin Photography will be closing down for the most part.

I will still photograph the clients-turned-friends that I have built relationships with over the years.  It is fun, and it helps finance my camera/lens/photography class addiction.  And it allows me to have some time away, so I can remember who I am in addition to being a wife and mom.  Basically, if I have worked with you in 2008, 2009, 2010 or 2011... you're in the "in crowd."  I can do up to one "session" per Saturday, as it works with my family's schedule.  But new clients?  I'm so sorry... I just won't be able to be your photographer.

I'll still honor all of the gift certificates and pre-paid sessions floating around out there, and will even extend expiration dates by at least 6 months due to the unforeseen need to take those 5 months off.  

One thing I do have to put on the back burner completely for the next several years... birth photography.  OH how I love it... love, love, love it!  But nursing/pregnant moms who practice attachment parenting just can't be on call 24/7.  Grandparents are great, my loving hands-on husband is a hero, but my kids need their mom.

The good news is, Chryshelle Spurgeon is a talented and close friend of mine.  I trust her with anything... including YOU.  That girl is oozing with creativity, and has the technical skills to back it up, and you will love her as much as I do.

MORE good news... my darling Kelly Garvey has officially "retired" from teaching and gone FULL TIME with her photography business.  I'm excited to send you her way!

I'm focusing the "business" side on Lucycake Boutique.  It's super-flexible, allows me to schedule things on the fly, enables me to hand-pick who I work with (i.e. no more difficult clients for me!), and gives me a bit of PayPal cash to buy boutique clothing items for my cute kids.

Where did all of this come from?  It's no secret to anyone that I struggle with balance.  I'm quite the over-achiever, always extraordinarily "driven" to a fault. 

But everything clicked into place when we did NOT hear Baby Five's heartbeat, or see a tiny little belly-bean gummy-bear.

There is nothing in the world that I want more, nothing in the world that matters more, than being proud of who I am as a mother.  Women who have five children do not have time to be a devoted wife, an attachment-parenting mother, to successfully run a 40+ hour a week business, to get enough sleep, to keep a clean and peaceful home, AND enjoy life too.  I've tried for years, with fewer children too, and failed.  And failed again.  I've tried every scheduling method, spent ridiculous amounts of money on time-saving and organizing methods... and failed.  It doesn't matter how well you organize 24 hours in a day... you're still limited to 24 hours.  I just don't buy into the SuperWoman thing.  Whether we're honest about it or not, something will give.  For far too long, I've ignored my health and need for rest... my relationships with family & friends have suffered because I simply don't have the time.

If Baby Five was only here for a few short weeks to show me what I REALLY WANT with my life, that was an angel who delivered a message from God straight to my heart.  But I am praying that Baby Five will get to reap the benefits of this lesson I took so long to learn.

Now if only I could learn to say what I want to say in fewer words.  Then, we'd be all set, wouldn't we?  ;)

Friday, June 10, 2011

I'm Not "Fine," Really

We went in for our ultrasound on Monday, and there was no heartbeat... no baby.  There was a yolk sac.  From my count, I should have been 7.5 weeks along.  I was measuring at 5 weeks.  
My hope is, the calendar was wrong and it was just too early.  My fear is, the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks.

We have another ultrasound on Monday, June 20th.

I've never had a miscarriage, and am trying NOT to give in to fear but it is probably the hardest thing ever.

And how ironic is it that my tests for the BIG SCARY DIAGNOSIS we feared were negative.  Praise God for that.  Now, I just need to hold onto faith and hope and peace that my baby is okay and that we really will be fine.

I don't expect to have much to say before then, here.  Now it is just time to wait and breathe.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Lucy has BIG NEWS.

Lucy wants you to know that she'll be a BIG SISTER in January.

Her parents want you to know that we are surprised, delighted, and very overwhelmed too.  

I think it is truly ironic that I was already pregnant when writing my heartbroken blog about worrying I couldn't have another baby.

BUT because you already know all of that, it frees me to ask for prayers for health for both of us.

This baby is a blessing, and we welcome Baby FIVE with open arms... and perhaps, a little bit of jumping up and down and squealing too.  ;)