Thursday, May 19, 2011

Lacking Nothing



"Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are. 
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you."
--LAO TZU

Thank you for this quote.  It is exactly, precisely what I needed to hear today.

My oldest child, Madeleine Sophie, turned 9-years-old last Saturday.  We had a slumber party with 8 of her BFF's.  It was loud and happy and silly... and perfect.  Great kids attract great friends.  What good girls my daughter runs with!

I can't even begin to express how much this darling girl means to me, and how much I want to GIVE her.  Sophie and I share a lot of the same weaknesses, faults, and struggles.  I empathize with her high highs and low lows.  It warms my mother's heart to see her thriving in school and in life.  I love her energy, exuberance, her desire to learn and BE everything.  I just hope she can learn before I did at 30... sometimes, being "everything" is impossible.  Sometimes, being exceptionally gifted at and devoted to being ONE thing is actually better.

Do you know what I want to be exceptionally talented and gifted at?  Motherhood.

I'm glad I've already made changes to Lerin Photography... I now have two friends who have completely "retired" from the photography business.  While I'm not able to do that at this time, it sure feels great to have much less "work" on my plate.  I have been sleeping 7-8 hours per night for several weeks now instead of staying up and working... it has made such a HUGE difference in my health issues and my overall happiness.

I have a monthly financial goal to reach that benefits my family, and I have an AMAZING time getting paid to do something I love.  However, I've earned the hard way (and was reminded just this morning, actually!) that going past that point is not good for me or my family.  I'm a hopeless people-pleaser, and it absolutely exhausts me to be in the people-pleasing service oriented business.  I love, love, love photography... I hate the paperwork, taxes, and dealing with people who don't understand that I'm a wife, mother, and person first... or don't understand the actual value of the service I provide. 

I don't get my self-worth from my blog or my business... I find my worth in being a child of God and a wife & mom.  

Ever since my last very raw and real post, I have been inundated with love from everyone.  My friends who've forgiven me for saying things in a blog that I can't talk about face-to-face... to those I have never met, sharing similar stories and offering prayers.  I haven't had time to respond individually, and I hope you can understand why... but I did read them all, and they all DID touch my heart.  I definitely do not feel alone in this.

Today, I attended Bella's end-of-the-year preschool show and art gallery.  She will begin kindergarten at our public school in August... she will never be a preschooler again.  As we prepare to celebrate Lucy Cate's 2nd Birthday this Sunday, knowing that it is actually possible that my "last" baby is losing her babyhood day-by-day... I can't help but cry.  While I know that my children will grow up whether I want them to or not, I do look forward to seeing the people they will become. 

I want to be there to see it.  All of it.

I have four beautiful blessings.  I would love to have more, but... my family is lacking nothing.  My heart is full of love for these darling little faces.  More would be icing on the cake.  But what I have now... oh, it is just heaven.

I feel such a sense of peace and purpose... putting my focus (time, money, and even the camera) back on the people who I love with my entire heart and who will love me for all of my life.