Thursday, November 10, 2011

Baby Mama Drama

Where to even begin? This pregnancy has been the most difficult by far. I was telling a friend that I wouldn't believe it, had I not lived it. I've been in and out of the hospital with HG, dehydration, pneumonia, severe tummy bug, gestational diabetes, chronic bronchitis, swollen kidney and most recently... an emergency appendectomy.

Yes, folks, I had surgery three days ago to remove my appendix.

It was the most terrifying experience of my life so far. After checking out of the hospital on Saturday for a tummy bug, Sunday I was feeling very funny. Just plain weird. Then the pain started. At first is was a mild aching that I attributed to being so sick and possibly pulling a muscle when throwing up for the 10,371st time this pregnancy. It got worse and worse. I tried to lay down, to take a bath, everything. Then, it became so unbearable that I began to cry and shiver. Adam took me right back to the hospital. I got an ultrasound of the baby first, then of my entire abdomen and kidneys. Finally, they decided my appendix needed to come out before it ruptured.

I'd never had surgery before. I was so afraid of what anesthesia would do to the baby, but they told me that 1 in 5 babies DIE if their mom's appendix ruptures while they are pregnant... the risks were much smaller to have the operation. I thought I was handling it stoically enough, but I could feel myself on the brink of a breakdown. My mom-in-law called Father K, and he said he'd come right away to pray with me and do anointing of the sick. Before he made it though, the nurses put me on a bed and wheeled me away. I barely got to kiss Adam.

On the way to the surgery, I tried to think about happy things. I thought about how much I love Adam & our kids, the friends who were praying for us, and the God that I believe in. I tried to push away the fears of worst-case scenarios, but they were just not easy to push away.

That was the most difficult hour of my life. Waking up from surgery, I had a full-blown panic attack. I can't even talk about it without crying, still, three days later. They broke the rules and let Adam come back to see me in the PACU, because my heart rate and breathing were so erratic. They let him stay with me, seeing as his presence brought my vital signs back to where they needed to be better than any medicine could.

Over the last week, I've been surrounded in love and prayers. I've felt lonely a lot in my life, especially after losing some close friendships last year, but I feel as though I have my forever friends. These ladies prayed for me, brought food to Adam in the hospital, and are feeding my family now. I'm on modified bedrest for 2 weeks, and my friends just keep calling, texting, emailing and dropping by. My parents are here and my mom has been my saving grace. Adam's mom is also taking care of all our errands and giving Adam moral support.

As awful as this whole thing is (and the recovery just plain sucks, too)... I feel emotionally and spiritually better than ever. We are loved. I am loved. I have family, friends, and God who will never let me be alone & afraid.

Funny how the worst thing that can happen, sometimes turns out to be one of the best things to happen in the end.

Please pray that the remaining 9-ish weeks of this pregnancy will be uneventful. I just need to stay well, and need baby to be healthy. My children are such brave little ones, and are handling this with a maturity that amazes and humbles me... but my Lucy is still very much a baby who needs her Mommy, and she is having a hard time having me away at the hospital so much and then unable to hold her when I get home. Please pray for Adam, that he can stay encouraged and not become too overwhelmed with his own fears and burdens.

Thank you so much. I literally FELT prayers while I was waiting to go under, and I still feel them now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We are very blessed to have your prayers and love.


Katherine said...

Oh, Lerin, I'm so sorry it has been such a rough ride! So glad everything is on the mend though. Yeah, I think you've more than met your quota for pregnancy complications. Praying you have a healthy, restful rest of the pregnancy... at least as restful as the last few months of any pregnancy can be. :)

denise said...

It certainly has been a rough time for you. I have been checking on your blog and was wondering why there were no updates.
We worship a living God, who loves us unconditionally. He will surely provide for your every need and minister (through the numerous angels around you) to all your needs
Get well soon. Will pray very much for your family and you and for a safe and healthy delivery
God bless

Emily said...

Prayers for you to get well. I'm a long time reader. 22 years ago, my mom had an emergency appeductomy when she was pregnant with me...I'm just fine. Your baby should, hopefully be, too.