Monday, February 28, 2011


Blogging is a funny thing.  I began writing in 2003, during a very difficult period in my life.  I was completely open and raw and uncensored.  Basically, writing became my therapeutic path to healing.

Goodness... how everything has changed!

I have so many family members, friends, clients, and acquaintances who read my blogs now.  I have to be so much more careful about what I say and how I say it.  I've had things misinterpreted or blown out of proportion more times this year than I care to remember.  I want my blog to be a blessing, and not a source of stress.

I want to be able to be honest and open with what I am thinking and feeling.  I love to write.  I love to be heard and responded to.  I like having a record of exactly whats happening in my life, to look back on.  Writing helps me sort out my feelings, too.

I have, apparently, failed at my second 365 attempt.  It is just too much for me at this point in life.  I do take photos everyday, but I don't have time to post and write about them every day... or even once a week.  I'm glad I started it, as it reminded me how important blogging is to me.  But I can just honestly say, a 365 project isn't for me.

I want to talk about some things here that may be difficult topics.  I want your feedback and prayers, and your understanding.  I want to be able to live my life openly without fear of being misunderstood.

I'm just going to write honestly again and see how it goes.

I'm struggling a lot with faith.  While I can tell you (thanks be to GOD!) that I finally have a calm surety that there is a God and He loves us very much, that He sent His son Jesus Christ to save us, and that the greatest command He gives us is to LOVE one another... my understanding of it all is shifting.

I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with the Catholic Church leadership and authority.  Since I converted to Catholicism based on this very issue, it is a painful thing to struggle with.  I am not leaving the Catholic Church, please don't misunderstand.  But so many things have changed within my heart.  I think it is a good thing... there is a lot of peace in my heart & mind.

I'm trying to work out for myself (with LOTS of help from God, studying and reading) just how far Church authority extends.  It isn't an easy thing to navigate.  I can't do anything halfway.  I am not the kind of person who can "fake it til I make it" and I am certain that I obsessively over-analyze just about everything.

Anyway, I guess I'm just asking for your continued friendship and prayers as I figure it all out.  :)


Liza said...

Wow. It sounds like you're struggling with the EXACT same faith issues that I have been for a while as well. I'm not leaving the Church, I can't imagine a day that I don't consider myself a Catholic... But. There's just a lot that I have a very difficult time with right now. It's so hard, especially trying to raise a child in the Church. You have my prayers and support. <3

Stay At Home Mom at Work said...

You've got my prayers. Faith is a journey, I just take it one step at a time, and I hope to encourage you through my prayers. God love you!

Happily Ever After said...

Totally understand you on this. I'm struggling with my faith as well, in different ways. The bad ways. Not questioning the Catholic Church's authority, not questioning the existence of God, but...well, I'll refrain from further comment, at least publicly. Just know that really, I completely know where you're coming from with your feelings of confusion. (huge hugs)

In lighter/happier things, that picture is so sweet. Oh, how I miss her. Give her a big hug for me and tell her that Miss H is always thinking of her and her brother and sisters.

Jenn said...

1) I absolutely LOVE that photo of Bella, she is gorgeous! What did you use for a backdrop?

2) I love the real Lerin, 100%. Your honesty and openness is refreshing in a world like ours, even when you talk about the hard stuff.

3) Having peace in your heart and your mind is something incredible in itself. I understand how hard it must be to struggle in the way that you are, but I have faith in the fact that you will come through it an even stronger and more incredible person. xoxo

Chasing Sunsets said...

I have been a Catholic all of my life and I was raised in a Catholic environment. I'm sure I take things for granted just being one. One thing I know for sure is that no prayer goes unanswered and God helps those who help themselves, as you seem to be. God looks at your heart and your efforts and with that being said, you will come to an understanding of what you need to in HIS time. Sometimes we must overcome one objective before another becomes clear....that takes time.

I am still learning about my faith. It is an ongoing process. It's okay to ask questions, wonder,
and be curious.
God is there for you!

Nadja said...

We are living in rough times. The Church has been doing battle with the Enemy since its foundation, and he is relentless. We have an obligation to find ways (prayer, first and foremost) to strengthen our faith and work through our doubts. You need to find an excellent confessor, or if that is not possible, listen to some cds or podcosts of good, orthodox priests. I would recommend Bishop Fulton Sheen, Fr. John Hardon and the Fathers of Mercy (they have cds avaailable on their website).

If there is no authority in the Church, then everyone is left to their own interpretations of scripture--and that is how we end up with 28,000 protestant denominations! Jesus said He would not leave us orphans. We have an authority to whom we can turn. He established His Church, not churches, not myriad groups debating His doctrine, but one unified Church.

Sorry to be such a long-wind! I am a convert myself, and my faith was hard-won and has its periods of waxing and waning, but I treasure it above all things.

I will pray that this Lent will be a time of strengthening your faith in Christ's Church and in erasing any doubts you may have.

Pax Christi tecum!

Jenn said...

Thinking and praying for you, let me know if you need anything at all! I'd make a great penpal:)